The Undeveloped Story

Baby-sitting movies...

2008-05-07T14:25:00.000-07:00

I am experiencing the boredom induced insanity that Jill goes through everytime she works. Except...I can leave whenever I want to, and she has a 12 hour shift.

7 and a half hours until she can close. I have been here for 2 hours. I learnt how to open the safe. The Movie Depot is now screwed.

2 customer so far (umm...one of them was me)...and Jill started at 11. It is now 3:30pm.

You have three days.
The countdown begins.

"When was the last time you wanted to say it all to the right person? To have it all come out right, to surprise yourself at how together you could be. When was the last time you ever met someone who made you want to give it all to them? I mean give yourself to them. Where you couldn't express yourself enough - like you wanted to cut off one of your arms to be understood. That's it - you would cut your head off to have someone understand you. You know how pointless that one is. You know how many times you've smashed yourself to bits on the rocks."

Not caring how, but just that it's done.

2008-05-05T16:48:00.000-07:00

Last night I had a dream about an empty body. It seemed to be mine. I didn't think about why it was empty, my only concern was to fill it. It didn't matter what I filled it with, but the body needed to be filled. I need to fill the void.

But where did my insides go?

All we have and ever will.

2008-03-30T13:58:00.000-07:00

Procrastinating from doing math homework.

Procrastination is bad, kids.

If I could go back once again

I would change everything, yeah

If I could go back once again

I'd do it all so much better

Time won't let me go

If I could do it all again

I'd go back and change everything

But you won't ever let me go

I just want for you to be happy.

Holding on?

2008-02-28T19:22:00.000-08:00

Broken lights on the freeway
Left me here alone
I may have lost my way now
Haven't forgotten my way home

I'm falling apart; I'm barely breathing, with a broken heart that's still beating. In the pain, is there healing? In your name, I find meaning. So, I'm holding on. I'm holding on. I'm holding on.

I'm barely holding on to you.

The Litany of Pop Culture

2008-01-08T14:00:00.000-08:00

I'm sick of the whole "shock value" genre and tones of arrogance. I'm sick of shallow writings about shallow things, materialistic things, completely ignoring deeper issues that have nothing to do with sex or cellphones or whatever.

By the way, hip hop sucks out my soul.

At The Library

2007-12-18T17:22:00.000-08:00

Maybe there's a God above
But all I've ever learned from love
Was how to shoot somebody who outdrew ya
And it's not a cry that you hear at night
It's not somebody who's seen the light
It's a cold and it's a broken Hallelujah.

Tiny Dolls of Doom...

2007-12-15T18:50:00.000-08:00

I forgot to write this. I am at the camp, and last night I didn't sleep very well at all. I think going to bed at 9 c'clock is actually very bad for you. Anyways, I had this dream...that caused me to be immensely scared of tiny tiny dolls. Like, seriously. They are fricking scary. The dream went something like this...

It takes place at camp, during the summer, during a little kids' camp. I was sick or something, so
Brian and Sammy locked me in my RC room, and he went to get groceries and Sammy went to sleep in her room. I was ticked, so I somehow snuck out, but as I was sneaking out, Brian came back and someone was like "April is leaving her room!" so I had to run as fast as I could to the "new" building.

But I was suddenly on the waterfront/arts team, and had to run a slip-n-slide with Ashley, and Brian (who suddenly didn't care that I got out of my room). But apparently I didn't like being 50% on the waterfront team, so I left them with the kids, and went to the kitchen (which was really small). My dear friend Alana and sister Jill were cooking everyone's food. Alana was like the new Brian, and Jill was the new me. Alana had just gotten back from Hawaii, and kept making small bowls of salad instead of real food, but she didn't mean to. But she couldn't stop.

I kept saying "if you need help, let me know." and she kept saying she was fine. But Jill were like shaking her head sooo fast and yelling "NO, she's not!" but Alana couldn't hear her. I don't remember what was wrong with Alana, something about Hawaii...

Then another staff (who doesn't actually exist, I don't think) and I decided to watch TV, we were watching the news, and this news report came on about tiny dolls, and how much the witches hated them...and it was SO scary. It had this clip of someone making a tiny doll, and there was a whole in it where a disease was supposedly going to enter (and the tiny doll would come to life). Then it should this "footage" of a tiny doll strapped to a roof at nighttime, and these puppet witches flew over on their broomsticks, and one of them started screaming "it's so annoying" and started whacking the doll. Then it all of a sudden flew at the camera (ie...my face), screaming. Then I woke up. It was 6:00am, so I just got up.

Now tiny dolls have been on my mind all day. It is scary. I hope I don't have more dreams about being locked in my room, bowls of salad, tiny dolls, and witches. The end.

I See Flying People...

2007-12-15T13:08:00.000-08:00

I am so tired. And sick.

Will be posting photos or art later this week, I can't right now, I am at camp working this weekend. I need to finish Christmas shopping, Monday.

I don't know what to do with myself this weekend, during my breaks. I had planned to do up a lot of Social homework, but lo and behold, my teacher gave me an old module booklet, so I can't even read anything. Funny that I read the whole first section before realizing that it was the wrong book...I think this is a bad sign, especially since my final is in January.

I guess I don't have anything else to say now. Man alive, that last entry was indeed a downer. I am ok now, I can live with having amazing friends who live too far away. ;) I will be closer to them soon enough, I hope.

Oh yeah, no school next year, I think that I am working, because I sucked at saving last year, and now I don't have any money to go to school. But that is ok, I have no time to work on a portfolio anyways. My hands are dry, I need to go to sleep.

Just Stay Where You Are

2007-11-18T13:41:00.000-08:00

Today has been a bit rough, but what can you do? I decided though, that problems are only what I make them. I have trouble with that, one little thing comes along that rubs me the wrong way, and suddenly it is the end of the world. I need to let things go, most of the time they are not important, or atleast the shouldn't be. Dwelling on problems only makes them worse, and why spend time on something that just bothers you? That is what I figure, anyways.

On a "problem" note, I have no friends! Ha. Not in Lacombe, atleast. Which, to say the least, is a bit sad. I am having trouble getting out of the mind-frame of "I'm getting out of here soon, why bother making new friends?", because if I stay this way, it's going to be a rough road to Calgary, or wherever I end up. I might not make it into ACAD, and where will I be then? Friendless, and in Lacombe. Not exactly the best place to be.

I am so tired of being lonely, friendless, and frustrated. This isn't one of those "problems" I can just let go of, I don't think. Atleast it doesn't seem to be. I can't go about with the attitude of "I don't care", I don't want to become that person.

Tell me, what's so wrong now?

2007-11-14T11:55:00.000-08:00

Devo andare. Devo viaggiare.

I must, I must, I must.

I want to travel so bad, it is driving me a bit crazy. I want to drive, and drive, and drive. And take hundreds, thousands, of pictures. I just want to go somewhere, and soon.

Future: Ireland, Venice, France, Scotland, London, Montreal, Nova Scotia, Vancouver, New York, Seattle, China, Kenya, Europe Europe Europe.

Calgary & Edmonton even, anywhere. Ach gluten tog.

Your Majesty...he's jumping, he's jumping.

2007-11-12T16:10:00.001-08:00

Jill and I rented Half Nelson the other day (still have it so far). It was flipping fantastic. It is not often that I watch a movie twice within a day or two, but I have definitely watched it 2 and a half times so far. New favourite, for sure.

This year I have a new project, to take a picture everyday, and collect them in a series of 4 "notebooks" (one for each season). I am starting in December, on the first day of Winter, and going till the last day of Fall, 2008. Before that, I need to find a notebook that would work well...it needs to be wire bound, or else the seam will bust (as my art journal is just starting to do, below, it doesn't close). My blog entries are so boring.

Are we all lost like you?

2007-11-12T15:57:00.000-08:00

Strange happenings in Lacombe today...and old fellow drove his car into the side of a drugstore close to my house, while I was sitting in the parking lot. It was interesting. The drugstore (Pharmsave, where I used to work) workers called the cops, it was crazy. 3-4 police officers showed up, all but one of them left when they found the old man in the grocery store across from Pharmasave. Poor fellow. But it was sort of funny, for me atleast. I am a jerk.

Otar Shoe co.

2007-11-11T15:24:00.000-08:00

I think that I should paint and sell shoes in order to save up for school next year. But uh, no. Painting shoes would probably be one of the sweetest job ever...aside from, you know, taking pictures for a living.

I forgot my username and password for my last blogspot blog (my art journal), so I decided to just start another one, in preparation for my upcoming photography project (I will post more about that when it comes)...in which I will have to post pretty much everyday. It will be a good time.

So, there are just some shoes I painted for camp people, during the end of the summer. The white ones were for Brandon, and the ones below for Jeff L. I think I see more shoe painting in my future...it was fun. I painted a pair of grey knock-off high tops for myself, but they are sort of retarded. I might post what they look like, if I take a picture of them before they get too dirty from me wearing them (which...is not that often).

Yep, I will be posting again soon, probably, I have to get used to posting everyday for my project starting the first day of Winter.

Cheers!