Baby-sitting movies...

I am experiencing the boredom induced insanity that Jill goes through everytime she works. Except...I can leave whenever I want to, and she has a 12 hour shift.

7 and a half hours until she can close. I have been here for 2 hours. I learnt how to open the safe. The Movie Depot is now screwed.

2 customer so far (umm...one of them was me)...and Jill started at 11. It is now 3:30pm.

You have three days.
The countdown begins.

"When was the last time you wanted to say it all to the right person? To have it all come out right, to surprise yourself at how together you could be. When was the last time you ever met someone who made you want to give it all to them? I mean give yourself to them. Where you couldn't express yourself enough - like you wanted to cut off one of your arms to be understood. That's it - you would cut your head off to have someone understand you. You know how pointless that one is. You know how many times you've smashed yourself to bits on the rocks."

Not caring how, but just that it's done.

Last night I had a dream about an empty body. It seemed to be mine. I didn't think about why it was empty, my only concern was to fill it. It didn't matter what I filled it with, but the body needed to be filled. I need to fill the void.















But where did my insides go?

All we have and ever will.

Procrastinating from doing math homework.

Procrastination is bad, kids.

If I could go back once again

I would change everything, yeah

If I could go back once again

I'd do it all so much better

Time won't let me go

If I could do it all again

I'd go back and change everything

But you won't ever let me go

I just want for you to be happy.

Holding on?

Broken lights on the freeway
Left me here alone
I may have lost my way now
Haven't forgotten my way home

I'm falling apart; I'm barely breathing, with a broken heart that's still beating. In the pain, is there healing? In your name, I find meaning. So, I'm holding on. I'm holding on. I'm holding on.

I'm barely holding on to you.

The Litany of Pop Culture

I'm sick of the whole "shock value" genre and tones of arrogance. I'm sick of shallow writings about shallow things, materialistic things, completely ignoring deeper issues that have nothing to do with sex or cellphones or whatever.

By the way, hip hop sucks out my soul.

At The Library

Maybe there's a God above
But all I've ever learned from love
Was how to shoot somebody who outdrew ya
And it's not a cry that you hear at night
It's not somebody who's seen the light
It's a cold and it's a broken Hallelujah.

Tiny Dolls of Doom...

I forgot to write this. I am at the camp, and last night I didn't sleep very well at all. I think going to bed at 9 c'clock is actually very bad for you. Anyways, I had this dream...that caused me to be immensely scared of tiny tiny dolls. Like, seriously. They are fricking scary. The dream went something like this...

It takes place at camp, during the summer, during a little kids' camp. I was sick or something, so
Brian and Sammy locked me in my RC room, and he went to get groceries and Sammy went to sleep in her room. I was ticked, so I somehow snuck out, but as I was sneaking out, Brian came back and someone was like "April is leaving her room!" so I had to run as fast as I could to the "new" building.

But I was suddenly on the waterfront/arts team, and had to run a slip-n-slide with Ashley, and Brian (who suddenly didn't care that I got out of my room). But apparently I didn't like being 50% on the waterfront team, so I left them with the kids, and went to the kitchen (which was really small). My dear friend Alana and sister Jill were cooking everyone's food. Alana was like the new Brian, and Jill was the new me. Alana had just gotten back from Hawaii, and kept making small bowls of salad instead of real food, but she didn't mean to. But she couldn't stop.

I kept saying "if you need help, let me know." and she kept saying she was fine. But Jill were like shaking her head sooo fast and yelling "NO, she's not!" but Alana couldn't hear her. I don't remember what was wrong with Alana, something about Hawaii...

Then another staff (who doesn't actually exist, I don't think) and I decided to watch TV, we were watching the news, and this news report came on about tiny dolls, and how much the witches hated them...and it was SO scary. It had this clip of someone making a tiny doll, and there was a whole in it where a disease was supposedly going to enter (and the tiny doll would come to life). Then it should this "footage" of a tiny doll strapped to a roof at nighttime, and these puppet witches flew over on their broomsticks, and one of them started screaming "it's so annoying" and started whacking the doll. Then it all of a sudden flew at the camera (ie...my face), screaming. Then I woke up. It was 6:00am, so I just got up.

Now tiny dolls have been on my mind all day. It is scary. I hope I don't have more dreams about being locked in my room, bowls of salad, tiny dolls, and witches. The end.