All we have and ever will.

Procrastinating from doing math homework.

Procrastination is bad, kids.

If I could go back once again

I would change everything, yeah

If I could go back once again

I'd do it all so much better

Time won't let me go

If I could do it all again

I'd go back and change everything

But you won't ever let me go

I just want for you to be happy.

Holding on?

Broken lights on the freeway
Left me here alone
I may have lost my way now
Haven't forgotten my way home

I'm falling apart; I'm barely breathing, with a broken heart that's still beating. In the pain, is there healing? In your name, I find meaning. So, I'm holding on. I'm holding on. I'm holding on.

I'm barely holding on to you.

The Litany of Pop Culture

I'm sick of the whole "shock value" genre and tones of arrogance. I'm sick of shallow writings about shallow things, materialistic things, completely ignoring deeper issues that have nothing to do with sex or cellphones or whatever.

By the way, hip hop sucks out my soul.

At The Library

Maybe there's a God above
But all I've ever learned from love
Was how to shoot somebody who outdrew ya
And it's not a cry that you hear at night
It's not somebody who's seen the light
It's a cold and it's a broken Hallelujah.

Tiny Dolls of Doom...

I forgot to write this. I am at the camp, and last night I didn't sleep very well at all. I think going to bed at 9 c'clock is actually very bad for you. Anyways, I had this dream...that caused me to be immensely scared of tiny tiny dolls. Like, seriously. They are fricking scary. The dream went something like this...

It takes place at camp, during the summer, during a little kids' camp. I was sick or something, so
Brian and Sammy locked me in my RC room, and he went to get groceries and Sammy went to sleep in her room. I was ticked, so I somehow snuck out, but as I was sneaking out, Brian came back and someone was like "April is leaving her room!" so I had to run as fast as I could to the "new" building.

But I was suddenly on the waterfront/arts team, and had to run a slip-n-slide with Ashley, and Brian (who suddenly didn't care that I got out of my room). But apparently I didn't like being 50% on the waterfront team, so I left them with the kids, and went to the kitchen (which was really small). My dear friend Alana and sister Jill were cooking everyone's food. Alana was like the new Brian, and Jill was the new me. Alana had just gotten back from Hawaii, and kept making small bowls of salad instead of real food, but she didn't mean to. But she couldn't stop.

I kept saying "if you need help, let me know." and she kept saying she was fine. But Jill were like shaking her head sooo fast and yelling "NO, she's not!" but Alana couldn't hear her. I don't remember what was wrong with Alana, something about Hawaii...

Then another staff (who doesn't actually exist, I don't think) and I decided to watch TV, we were watching the news, and this news report came on about tiny dolls, and how much the witches hated them...and it was SO scary. It had this clip of someone making a tiny doll, and there was a whole in it where a disease was supposedly going to enter (and the tiny doll would come to life). Then it should this "footage" of a tiny doll strapped to a roof at nighttime, and these puppet witches flew over on their broomsticks, and one of them started screaming "it's so annoying" and started whacking the doll. Then it all of a sudden flew at the camera (ie...my face), screaming. Then I woke up. It was 6:00am, so I just got up.

Now tiny dolls have been on my mind all day. It is scary. I hope I don't have more dreams about being locked in my room, bowls of salad, tiny dolls, and witches. The end.

I See Flying People...

I am so tired. And sick.

Will be posting photos or art later this week, I can't right now, I am at camp working this weekend. I need to finish Christmas shopping, Monday.

I don't know what to do with myself this weekend, during my breaks. I had planned to do up a lot of Social homework, but lo and behold, my teacher gave me an old module booklet, so I can't even read anything. Funny that I read the whole first section before realizing that it was the wrong book...I think this is a bad sign, especially since my final is in January.

I guess I don't have anything else to say now. Man alive, that last entry was indeed a downer. I am ok now, I can live with having amazing friends who live too far away. ;) I will be closer to them soon enough, I hope.

Oh yeah, no school next year, I think that I am working, because I sucked at saving last year, and now I don't have any money to go to school. But that is ok, I have no time to work on a portfolio anyways. My hands are dry, I need to go to sleep.

Just Stay Where You Are

Today has been a bit rough, but what can you do? I decided though, that problems are only what I make them. I have trouble with that, one little thing comes along that rubs me the wrong way, and suddenly it is the end of the world. I need to let things go, most of the time they are not important, or atleast the shouldn't be. Dwelling on problems only makes them worse, and why spend time on something that just bothers you? That is what I figure, anyways.

On a "problem" note, I have no friends! Ha. Not in Lacombe, atleast. Which, to say the least, is a bit sad. I am having trouble getting out of the mind-frame of "I'm getting out of here soon, why bother making new friends?", because if I stay this way, it's going to be a rough road to Calgary, or wherever I end up. I might not make it into ACAD, and where will I be then? Friendless, and in Lacombe. Not exactly the best place to be.

I am so tired of being lonely, friendless, and frustrated. This isn't one of those "problems" I can just let go of, I don't think. Atleast it doesn't seem to be. I can't go about with the attitude of "I don't care", I don't want to become that person.